I’ve been pondering these last few days on whether I’m being too judgmental. And since that’s rather a loose word “of or concerning the use of judgement” what it is I mean by that is: (darnit! There’s like not really a good word for it I can find…)
So, it was key in my anorexia recovery that I stopped viewing people as thin, fat, fit, etc. It used to be all I noticed everywhere, and now I don’t even. People just are. So, in this way, I am aware that there are judgements 1. that I can have, and 2. that are completely possible to overcome.
However, I generally consider (considered?) myself a non-judgemental person. In considering whether or not to say such a statement, I’d mentally reference a couple of times where someone was reallllly nervous about telling me something, but once they did, it changed not at all what I thought of them.
As I found myself online and reading with a critical eye tweets from people I’d recently followed I realized that there was definitely a sort of judging going on. And it made sense why I was so nervous to say anything. I mean I knew THAT but, I didn’t realize just how much I did.
The “feel” of someone’s tweets, how quickly they got frustrated at something, how much they were open to others, the general way in which they spoke all were things which informed my decision of whether to keep following them or not.
So for example, you know how I said “darnit” in the very beginning of this post? Something like that might – sort of like a distance-o-meter of how much I can “trust” them – cause me to go a little farther due to me interpreting it as “a myopic view of events and believing that because something was inconvenient it was wrong”. As much as I might believe this, I don’t want it to be the reason I draw away from someone… or do I?
Of course, there is only so much one person can take in, so it makes sense that I needed some sort of filter, but is this really the way to do it?
People definitely don’t need to have my same belief system for me to respect them, but they way express themselves definitely lends me to wanting to be closer or detach myself from them.
I am TERRIFIED of people detaching themselves from me, for whatever reason.
I also started thinking about “love”. Like, I love my dog. That’s like the only thing I know I love. This is either A. because I’m really bad at loving and it’s all works based, or B. (my mom’s theory) that I love everything and so it’s hard for me to tell what I do love, because there is no “no love”.
I define love as something that would never ever disappear. Never be shaken by nothing. Supportive, even if they have some terrible ideas and a bad laugh. Things like that.
I KNOW I don’t do that. People need to be or do something for me not to be irritated at them, and so I started thinking — maybe I could do something about that.
Maybe online it’s smart of me to have a criterion for who I follow and who I decline to, but what about in real life? Is there a way that I can not be so freaked out when someone says something disparaging about someone/thing else? Can I be more supportive of people when they show extremity of emotion? Can I try not doing some of the things I find myself doing (but that I would hope someone else wouldn’t do to me)?
Someone can do ANYTHING, and if they explain their perspective and idea around it I’m like “cool.” I value their letting me know about their inner workings, and try not to abuse their trust. But I think I should be a bit more open, even when they choose not to do it.
Have you ever used to judge someone hard about something, but then been able to change because of something or rather?