I feel like I’m the only one who talks with other people the way that I do. So, I know I’m not. Most anytime I think, golly this is terrible. Why am I so weird and do ___? I see someone post something somewhere, and I realize not only am I not the only one, I suddenly feel a lot better, and like it’s manageable, too.
I don’t know why, but I’m so glad. It’s kinda like magic…
So, I thought it might be entertaining, but perhaps also helpful if I wrote about how my brain worked as I met someone new the other day.
The conversation is still fresh in my head, and it was with someone I’m unfamiliar with, so I was well aware of what was happening as it happened, as well as not actually having a familiar flow to settle into.
We talked for 3 hours, BT, newbie, and me, and the pictures I remember most of all are 1. how much mud was on their shoes, 2. the design of the “f” in cafe on the sign on the wall, 3. the dangly thing on their hoodie.
I wasn’t overly stressed – evidenced by that I actually remember full stories that they told, and the lingo they used, and some of their reactions to our own stories. However, while I remember how they said things and what they thought of specific things we talked about, I probably looked at their face for a total of 5 minutes over the 3 hours.
I have a tendency to not look at who I’m talking to, and I also don’t usually look at who is talking to me either. Have you ever noticed that the most open conversations are usually those where the people are seated side by side? Like in a car? I think it really helps us to say what we really want to. Like we can ignore that THIS THING IS BEING HEARD BY SOMEBODY right now.
This tendency is not just me – for several years now, I’ve been logging various people and their length of eye contact when speaking or talking. A lot of people tend to glance on and off. So I don’t necessarily think I’m peculiarly odd for this.
However, I feel my oddity is that I am looking at something SPECIFIC just not them. For example, I well studied that sign on the café wall. The writing was uneven, and one fancy f was below the other, as well as the two C’s having different curvature. I analyzed how the bell shaped stopper on their rain jacket might have been made, and why it was placed where it was and why it was the shape it was.
I actually think this may be one reason I try not to look at people’s face or face area. I will nearly always latch onto one thing – usually mentally manipulating it, and that could easily make someone uncomfortable. I don’t associate significance with one body part or another but I think other people do, and since my brain quests for something to focus on, I try to choose something benign.
Also, I think it’s interesting. I noticed that Sensors, (the ESFJ, ESTJ and ISTP) in my life tend to like to maintain eye contact, but BT, I and other Intuitives I’ve seen in videos (Intuitives) rarely maintain eye contact. This sounds so disrespectful, until I noticed that we tend to talk for a few words, glance, and look back. It acts like a check-in! I’m not sure why the difference, but I think it’s interesting.
So, I don’t know what other people are doing while they are glancing away, but for some reason I am analyzing.
Also, I fidgeted the entire time. I had a rubberband on my wrist which I put through about 3 different actions (tying into a knot, looping in a figure eight around three of my fingers – anyone else do that?) for 1 1/2 hours before putting my hair up and fidgeting slightly less, before choosing a different item to fidget with. I did all these crazy things while drinking tea, listening, reacting, processing the people’s responses to what they were hearing, analyzing the 4 things I’d chosen to focus on, and choosing words for the stories of my own. <— This is where I start to feel like a really weird human being.
While I didn’t do it in this conversation, I thought I’d throw in that, yeah, I also “fix patterns” and other things. I was so glad to know I wasn’t the only one to do this. Like if there’s wallpaper, or a patterned shirt, where the join doesn’t match, I will mentally fix it throughout the time I look at it. This actually informed what I liked or didn’t like as a kid before it calmed down a little bit – if I would be mentally fixing it the whole time I’d prefer not to have it in my room! XD
I only just remembered, I was doing that while they were eating their sandwich. Like they had filling fall out, and they were trying to grab it with two pieces of bread, and it wasn’t working too well, and I was running mini-simulations in my head. Like seriously how weird am I? (This is why I’m sharing this, however. Just in case it brings a bit of solidarity to someone else! :D)
Besides this, I guess I was pretty normal. I sat cross legged on a chair, but that’s not too weird. I stumbled trying to remember Anapolis (talking about Norfolk being tourist-y or not) – I made them chuckle as I said I thought there was a famous Navy museum there: Anaphylactic! or Anacostia! Er, not Anastasia…” (It took me 5 minutes of research just now to find Anapolis lol. And, no, I don’t think that’s a museum or Norfolk. I was all mixed-up.)
Now the only oddity to present itself is my extreme insecurity. I don’t mind being insecure in the way I am though, because it’s due to a lack of information. I may be super insecure, but it can also be solved very easily.
Like when I’m not sure about trying a new style and turn into a ball of stress, I need a few key questions answered, and I’m good.
I’d like to get a write up from the people I interact with! XD “On January 5th, I felt “uncomfortable, comfortable, very comfortable” with you. You were “disinterested, polite, easy to talk to” which made me feel “_____”. Next time if you _____, it would make things ______.” Like wouldn’t that make things a lot simpler? 🙂
What are some oddities that you do in conversation?
Eye contact or no? Make your argument! 🙂