Naturally Dreamy

A blog about life as a mostly INFP, natural skin and hair care, and other topics. Come put your feet up where life is naturally dreamy!


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How Do We Instinctively Know Life’s Value?

We instinctively know the value of a life.

Though we often become frustrated with our own, or wonder why we are here, somehow a feeling beyond words attests to us that a life is worth protecting.

When we know it’s about to be cut short, or feel cold where once was heat, or remember a life snuffed out by mortal means, our insides protest, tears start, and a feeling of wrongness pervades, even if we can’t give words to the question, “What’s so important about life.”

I held her trembling, fuzzy, furry body against mine, I soothed her fears as I set her in a sterile bathing tub. I eased her through the process, and felt her fear as mine. The tremulous eyes looked into mine, and she trusted my evaluation of the situation as safe.

Then she was snuffed out. Without a judge, jury, or defense and without me able to  run to her side, or ask the owner how she could betray her like this, that owner let her go, without even a confirmation of the test.

“Parvo kills 50% of dogs who have it.”

“It’s a long difficult journey to health.”

“Even with early treatment, it’s not an easy disease to beat.”

But didn’t you hold her next to you. Didn’t you feel the life that flowed through her. Didn’t you look into her eyes, and tell her everything would be okay? 

You had to have felt that bundle of soft fur. How could you let her go so easily.

She was scared of the world, and trusted at the first word. I will never forget Ember, and somehow she keeps teaching me, that beyond any logical reason, we KNOW, just know, that life is in itself a thing worth guarding.

 


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My Non-Abstract Example Scene

So, that last post explained the concept I’d thought of, but I usually like having a picture or example I can imagine to remember the theory I’m going off of.

For me, I have a few, my first one is a story from my life, but my second or third one is the Bones and Booth scene. So if your curious here it is (my retelling of it, anyway.) (From “The Parts in the Sum of the Whole”)

For a non-abstract example, I likened it to: Bones & Booth after that turning point counseling scene with Sweets. Nearly by accident they discover that Booth is the one who needs to take the first move. His history of gambling hints that he has the guts to put it all out there, and take a risk. Bones knows what’s up in life, and therefore wouldn’t put herself out there like that. (I’m only stating things from their points of view – not my own POV.) So as they walk away from the Jeffersonian, they’re laughing over what happened, and working it around in their heads, when ding, Booth leaps in front of her,

“Bones! I have to take the chance! I’m the gambler!! *pause* So what do you say? Do you want to give it a try? Us?”

Bones starts to see what he means, and can’t hold it in anymore. All the hope she’d ever wanted, all the security and love she ever wanted is being offered to her, right in front of her. And she can’t accept it. The love of her life is offering to love her and she must say no.

“No, Booth. No. I’m never going to be that person you need. I’m never going to open up and be able to make you happy.”

“But I don’t care Bones!”

This goes on, Booth focused on the idea, and Bones, adamant she would do Booth wrong, when Booth walks off, finally begrudging her the final say.

Bones trots up to him, and places her hand in his.

“But we can still, please say, we can still be partners?”

Booth looks at her, disappointment quickly replacing itself with sadness, “I’m going to have to move on. You know that?”

This is what Bones had started to realize from the beginning, what had made the floodgates open, and made her cry. She knows. “I know.”

“Okay. Well, then. Yes. I’m going to have to move on. But we can still be friends.”

Booth gives her hand a squeeze, and they walk off into the D.C. night, and Bones rests her head on Booth’s shoulder.

They both took a risk and made the decision they believed correct.

(If you’re wondering if it works out, it does. Bones is able to let Booth go, with a couple of false starts, and Booth eats his feelings like normal falling fast in love with a pretty reporter who loves danger. Unfortunately she loves danger more than Booth AND Parker and breaks his heart for the 4th and final time. Que my next favorite scene… but anyways. Yes. They’re both able to move on and be friends.😀 )

(My next favorite scene - thanks to IMDB and whoever typed all this in! TY!)

(In case you’re wondering: My next favorite scene – thanks to IMDB and whoever typed all this in! TY!)

Booth took the unexpected opportunity arisen from the counseling session with Sweets, not because it meant he could have a pretty wife, or a mother for Parker, or. or. anything else like that. He took the risk because he legitimatley wanted Bones in his life for the rest of his life.

Bones didn’t take the opportunity, because she believed she would hurt Booth. She felt at that moment if she said yes she was more focused on what Booth could do for her and the opportunity presented than who he was and who they’d be together. A kind of taking the goods and ran thing.

So this is my non-theoretical (although still fictional) example of the concept.


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Missed Opportunity

He stands in front of you, ring outstretched. He’s just asked you for your hand in marriage. 

You think of the beautiful estates he owns, and what it would be like to gallop over them. You think of the pristine, beautiful white house he had when you visited his parents, how you and he will always be secure.

But you don’t think about him. You don’t think about how happy you are when you makes you your favorite tea. How fun it is to try to follow him in every new idea. The times you just sigh when you know it’s not going to work, but half the fun is watching.

You think about the opportunity, and not the dude.

(Oops, my So Cal is showing.😄 And yes, obviously I’ve never been proposed to – this is pieced together from movies, TV shows and GMM.)

Sometimes I try to make a decision, and I think on it, and I think on it until I finally come to a conclusion.

These conclusions become the basis for the rest of my life. Which is mostly what inspired me to start this blog. Thinking through these things, gathering evidence, comparing it with real life, going back to the drawing board, working it down some more, takes a lot of work. If I had the answers handed to me, I’d go with that (or I might just take it as evidence to work into my own theory…). Anyway, I thought it might be helpful if when I came up with these big life-helping conclusions for my self I’d “share with the class”. If nothing else, just for that one other person like me staying awake all night and kicking themselves until they discover whether it was actually okay; or just working on a theorem until it strikes right.

I thought maybe, the hours of wittling down I do could be turned helpful for someone else.:)

Well, this was one of the few breakthroughs that I could actually share! All the others were only semi-discoveries or only made sense to me.

So, anyways, I was trying to figure out whether to do this one thing, or not. And every other hour I had a different conclusion.

Most impactful on the switchity flop was what I’ve read in those articles from elderly people, or people who have lived the longest, what their advice is:

[[Goes looking for the actual quote. Can’t find anything REMOTELY similar]]

Er, I guess what I mean to say, is what I’d remembered, apparently wrongly, being their advice was to go ahead and avail yourself of the opportunity. You don’t want to be thinking, “What if?” basically.

And there’s all of these I find on the ‘net:

Screen Shot 2016-04-12 at 10.24.20 AM

Screen Shot 2016-04-12 at 10.23.53 AM

The other side, (there was another side, obviously), was my own wisdom. Rushing into things = not a good idea. You don’t know till you know.

And the very real what if’s: What if it’s not what it looks like? In fact it’s more than likely to not be what it looks like. What if this is wrong for you and them? What if, what if, what if.

It went around and around. For months.

Until yesterday, *lightbulb* the idea popped into my head, that while I’d considered the opportunity raised many, many times, and was attempting to fulfill (what I realize is probably now mythical) elderly people’s directive to “not let an opportunity go; take the risk!” I’d valued the opportunity far more than I’d valued the person raising the opportunity.

Pish posh; That was no way to do things!

Immediately a weight I didn’t even know was there was lifted.

I also smiled. I was back to my original way of doing things, “Go. Care about people. Care about people backwards, forwards, high, low. Care and what happens, happens.”

No more “gotta try and get the most out of life. Not let any opportunity pass up. What if it’s wrong. What if it’s bad? But what if I have nothing show by the end of the year. Another year of nothingness… But what if.”

Were all these these worrying constricting thoughts happening, just because of a tiny hint to give a risky thing a go? — ah-hah! But not just that! A risky thing done with no reward except a new opportunity in your hat.

It’s all well and good to take giant risks and leaps – which is why I was so happy, because here I was able to insert my main OS – as long as it’s for someone/something you love, care about, something like that.

An opportunity arises. You don’t know whether to take it. The flurry of wonder and nerves starts to swirl. Next time, I’m going to consider how the idea got brought up, and how I feel about that.

In a sentence:

You should care about the person more than the missed opportunity

What I wrote in my journal: If you care more about a “missed opportunity” or missing an opportunity than the person presenting the opportunity that is backwards and feel free to say no.


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My Haircare Routine

Okay, so there were a LOT of things that were terrible about having an eating disorder.

But one of the most annoying was my hair. While I felt good, had plenty of energy, and didn’t feel much pain – bodily. * (My brain, of course was going through the torture chamber of the ages. ED’s are NOT good, or okay. AND YES YOU CAN BE FINE. NORMAL after restrictive eating actually exists despite people telling you it doesn’t.)

*sentence finishes here: My hair looked baahd, and felt terrible. I didn’t know what was up.

Then as I worked hard and nursed my body back to health, my hair seemed to be lagging behind.

It still looked frizzy, dry and poofy.

Lots of internet searches, experimentation, and random things I picked up along the way, I am super happy with what’s happened recently! And it had nothing to do with my diet; that really was going okay.

  • Desert Essence Shampoo (Fragrance Free is my favorite)
  • Hair turban (or bath towel used turban style)
  • Shower comb
  • Desert Essence Shine & Refine Coconut Lotion
  • Argan Oil hair serum

I shampoo my scalp, primarily, with the shampoo. With the Desert Essence shampoo I occasionally will work on the rest of my hair with the shampoo, but I don’t really shampoo it the same. (By the way, I shower every 3-4 days.)

After I’ve showered, I put my hair up in the hair turban and let it dry 1/2 way. Basically, once the turban is soaked, I remove it, and my hair is no longer drippy.

I either put the conditioner on at this point, or after I take my hair down the next day.

I comb out my hair with a wide-tooth shower comb, or leave it with what would seem to be a lot of tangles, but surprisingly, not, and braid it at this point. (1 or two braids)

The next day, I’ll undo my braids. (Or if I undo my braids that day — like I shower in the morning, and get tired of my hair in braids, that night I redo a single loose braid.)

Then I smooth in some conditioner (optional, but handy every 2-3 showers.)

With all these steps done, I’m done.

The silly thing I’ve learned is that I don’t need to brush my hair. Nobody even notices my unbrushed hair. I know that this is common-ish knowledge for those with curly hair. I didn’t know it was a thing for wavy hair.

frizzy hair

I saw this on Pinterest after I started doing this and was like “Ah! It’s a thing!!”

 

Once I’ve braided my hair and let it out, I sometimes comb through it, or kind of “pat” it with my comb to separate it some, but the last couple months I’ve learned it looks really great and healthy with no brushing.

I wake up, undo my braid, or style it — put in a headband, put it in a ponytail — and walk out the door. It feels weird going out with my hair untouched, but when I catch sight of it, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It’s finally healthy again. Well, it was healthy before, but it still looked rough.

In the words of BT, when his coworker complimented my hair (the first week I started doing this routine)

Coworker: You have beautiful hair!

BT: (quoting the Eagle has Landed) Most of the time.

Which is pretty similar and actually more upbeat than the response I had planned.

 

Okay, so yeah, I’ve talked over this for a while, but mainly because I went from every day not knowing what I could do with my bushy, dry-looking puffy hair to having soft manageable waves, without doing anything drastic. And that’s so cool to me! (Plus, bonus — low maintenance in the extreme, and very inexpensive!😀 ) I was starting to lose hope, and be really confused as to what I should do since I have very long hair, that if it looks unkempt is really noticeable, so I wanted to share my discoveries!😀


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How to Survive a Communication Scare

If you have been around me at all in the last 4 years (since I started talking about it) – you know one thing about me.

freakkkk out about my words. I am not kidding. Blahdy blahdy blah – I could go on for all sorts of reasons, and why and various things, but mainly this. Words have effect, and I’m terrified my effect will be not good.

(Language – warning!) —

Sometimes, this (in the reverse – someone else’s words back to me) will have a negative effect on me causing me to shut down.

I want to curl up in a cave and never come out and talk to anyone ever again, because I believe that their response indicated that this is what I should do.

Today this happened. I was happy, hopeful, ready to tackle some big projects I had….

When I got a helpful response back from somebody – in essence they asked me to call them. I freaked out – “I overwhelmed them with info! I shouldn’t have sent that email! The person I asked to review my email was right – I should have included my number! What was I thinking?? They’re sooo upset with me right now! I can’t believe they didn’t just tell me off. What do I say now. There is no redeeming myself. I need to find somewhere, now, where no humans are and never come out.”

I’m NOT exaggerating.

Basically I was asking about my future dream career and how to get started. They said, “that’s too much to talk about in an email, let’s meet” and I reacted this way.

Here is my survival guide, because as much as I thinnk I should dwell in these feelings, I get glimpses that that’s not right. I’m cool to stay here with the humans.

1. Remember there are other people out there.

BT sent me an email link to a video as I was thinking this. At least one other person on the planet at that time thought I was worth communicating with. I had not sent out a cosmic force of decrepitude.

2. Think about sending that email, or saying that statement yourself.

I thought about getting my email, and replying his email back. I thought how confused and gentle I would be about it. I’d be like, “Hmm… I guess they’re eager, but unfortunately I can’t talk in an email like this… Let’s see if they can meet.”

I realize I have a much different brain process to annoying and aggrivating situations to other people, but still, imagining this calmed me. *

3. Breathe.

Don’t forget – it doesn’t really help, but it’s good to do anyway.

4. Eat.

I get super-adrenaline rushes, and really shaky. Combat it early and don’t skip a meal worrying about what they said.

5. Don’t reply right away.

Hopefully you have a person who can give you feedback on your correspondence. They’ll help keep the crazy out of your communiques.

6. Again. Remember that there are people out there in the world who think you are worth communicating with.

This always helps me in these scares.

7. “Who are they?” — Don’t care.

The only way I survived the months leading up to my externship, and some days during it was thinking “I really don’t care what they think. I do NOT need this job. I’m going to leave in a month.” Which is kind of weird and sounds mean, but I meant, this is not my end all be all job. I’m getting this to hopefully up my animal knowledge – not to got veterinary school. So if I was a terrible vet assistant, or failed in their eyes, it was okay. They weren’t stuck with me, and I wasn’t going to be in that field for long.

Remember the actual power they have over you and not their perceived power.

Are you going to see them in the coffee shop tomorrow morning? Do they call you every night? This is not someone you’re going to have repeated encounters with, so why do you care if they like you or not? It’s not going to hurt them or you if you aren’t compatible.

8. There is other life.

Life goes on. You haven’t made a cosmic blunder that prevents life from going on. While the phrase “Who do you think you are?” comes to mind, it’s not a pride thing. When someone hurts you, your life comes to a stop. Your brain can stop working. I’m probably parallelling this in reverse wondering if I’ve hurt them and caused a shut down.

The simple act of seeing a cardinal fly by reminds me – life goes on.

Q&A:

What are your best survival tactics for when you are freaking the frick out!, sir?

*For about 2 minutes


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The Great Vanilla Experiment! :D – Update

A few months ago I bought some vodka and vanilla beans to recreate something I’d seen done several years ago. It had worked then, but we’d also let it set for a year or so before using it.

That first time it was wine-bottle amount of vodka as this with a single vanilla bean dropped in and we let it set for a year.

I took 375 mils of vodka and 2 vanilla beans and let it sit in the pantry (while eagerly checking on it every few days or weeks.)

I was so excited about this venture which is kind of funny. But apparently it was infectious because BT seemed just as curious to see if it would work and excited as the color slowly deepened.

Although it doesn’t smell or look quite as strong as usual vanilla extract, it’s been working great in recipes already!

For $7 of vodka and $3 of vanilla beans for 12.6 oz (175 mls) of “vanilla extract” it’s quite a savings which is what I was hoping for because I can go through a $2 (for a tiny McCormick bottle) or $7 to splurge on the organic strong vanilla extract (probably 4 oz) in no time flat!

I’m super glad this worked – it frees me up to bake some more. And also it was quite a fun experiment! (Although since I was 90% sure it’d work, I’m not sure that is the right word?)

Straight on Vanilla

Photo on 3-1-16 at 12.26 PM #2

Q&A:

What is your favorite recipe to bake/make?

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