Naturally Dreamy

A blog about my life as an INFP living with an ESFJ, INTJ, and my pup. I blog about earth-friendly living and life through my eyes – not necessarily in that order. Come put your feet up where life is Naturally Dreamy!


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Dance Class Tale: When Falling is Good, and the Floor is your Creative Space

I have loved dancing all my life. I feel like it’s always just been a part of my psyche, despite that being rather unsubstantiated by evidence.

But, I quit doing it a few years ago when it began to feel routine and like I was never achieving my goals. I wanted to show the music and I was just doing the same twirl, with no ideas of what else to do.

Watching Autumn Miller dance Survive by Madilyn Bailey kickstarted my idea to try again.

Oh, and when I mean I like to dance, I mean I put on some pop song or Lindsey Stirling, turned it up, and gyrated like a mad woman.

Yup. That’s my style of dance.

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The other side that I guess I should explain is that I actually did get a lot of dance classes when I was young, and in a variety of styles, and even though they’re from when I was toddling about seem to have effected me long since.

Anyways. Yesterday, I took my 4th adult dance class. Yahhh!! 😀 It’s in contemperary dance, and I’m so glad I gave it a shot. I’m loving it.

Yesterday, the partner assignment was to team up, and tap each other, and the person would need to initiate movement from the body part tapped.

You could hear the nervous tittering of the class as we considered being touched by a stranger. “But you’ll get oddly into it!!” our teacher said. “You will.”

We gave it a shot, and my partner said she’d go first being tapped. Or maybe I asked her to, I don’t remember. XD

Sure enough, as the teacher said, I got into it. I was running circles around my partner, watching out for swinging arms, calculating when and what to touch next to go with her dance but also shake it up.

Then it was time to switch.

I was excited. It did sound fun, and it was completely improv. I could do this right?

She tapped me and I began moving, when the second tap came, I knew I was in trouble.

She’d tapped my right shoulder blade. I could feel my brain launch out of my skull and birds-eye-view my body. “Shoulder blade shoulder blade. That’s connected to the. The uh. The uh.” I froze.

How do I move that part of my body? What even is that part of my body?

She tapped again. I froze again.

This continued. My brain freezing. Me moving the opposite limb. Chuckling in embarrasment. Trying to explain that I have absolutely no control over my body most days. Her saying “It’s okay it’s okay!”

Finally, I just collapsed. Or gave up. I can’t remember.

You know what she said?

“Contract!! Goood.”

Wait, that was good? I was trying to give up. I just decided I cannot do this anymore. I’m so embarassed and nobody knows why! And at that moment I did what was apparently my best work. XD I did a brand new move. The move of defeat. But no one else figured that’s what it was.

It still makes me chuckle.

We mercifully finished that portion of the exercise, and moved on to the next one. I just wanted to get it over with, but my partner was already in place, so I didn’t say anything and she danced first.

The second exercise was to start (and stay) on the floor as we danced to the tap with our eyes closed. Also to keep our partner out of harms way if they were on a collision path.

I once again ran around my partner, tapping where I could. Again her dance was beautiful and expressive.

Then it was my turn.

To back up, let me explain WHY I couldn’t understand what to do when she tapped me. Or rather the only knowledge I have on the subject. While I’m not totally rot at doing stuff and can pull some neat moves out of my bag, in general I’m very un-body-aware, like most people of my personality type – (Intuitive Feelers or Feelers Perceivers or some mix like that).

We discovered the acuteness of this one day at P.E. when I was being taught a strength-move. And I didn’t know how to even activate that muscle. So, you see? That came into play.

So anyways, I set on the ground, and my partner taps me and I start moving, and then I have to remind myself that I’m to stay seated, and I move back down, and I twirl, and reach, and then it’s time. It was easier, but I still felt like I messed up a lot. Not having to stand seemed to help, but I definitely didn’t feel like I’d done anything different from the standing part of the exercise.

The teacher called time, and she asked feedback, as she does every exercise. Usually just one person speaks. I was slightly surprised to hear that the one person this time was my partner, but startled when I heard her subject matter.

“I can’t speak for me,” she said, “But I can speak for my partner here.”

Wait, what? I was an uncoordinated sea-cow with a bad case of mind-lock no one can help. I was giggling and apologizing and saying “ow” when I hit my ankle. What could you PoSSibly find to talk about from me?

“When we did the sitting one, with our eyes closed,” she turned to me “your movements were so fluid and pretty. Always try and dance like you have your eyes closed, because it makes such a difference.”

Did I mention I was stunned? Well I was. I still am! She said much more but I can’t remember because I could hardly believe she was talking about me. But it was so super encouraging.

So, I’d just like to be here to tell you that when you feel like you are super-failing and hopeless, you may not be! 🙂 And when you can say something like this to someone else it may make such a giant difference in their day – or their destiny. ❤ I’m so much more encouraged to continue this journey keep trying dancing now – Now that I know some small part of me can. XD I mean, that’s actually like the MOTTO of the studio… so I don’t know why I didn’t really believe it before, it’s why I felt so encouraged to go but… But, I didn’t know I was already kinda maybe capable. :0

So speak it when you have it and flail if that’s all you got. It will help. 😀

Uncoordinated sea cow out. 😉

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The end of a saga and !! Autumn Chocolate Chip Cookies !!

I felt like sharing how I finally came to terms with that thing that’s been bugging me since January. It was the. easiest. thing., but it took me this long to realize it, and since I’ve written this much about already (An Inside Look at My Brain During Conversation, The Hidden Diamond of Acceptance, Real Talk With Me)… why not finish the saga?

But it wasn’t enough to make a whole new post for, so I thought I’d combine it with this recipe I really wanted to share. 🙂

So, you know – newbie-friend I met and who left? Yeah. Well I finally am not missing them anymore, because of one key thing I realized.

I was out of state and meeting new people and having a blast, but twangs of sadness still hit me, until I was driving along and it hit me all of a sudden (for the second time but with different words) “YO! You! YOU DIDN’T LEAVE.”

And all of a sudden I felt peaceful. Benigment – er, benign? Beneficial? Er, Idk. Happy, basically. See, I guess what happened is despite the fact that I was the one who reached out and re-initiated contact after a message failed to send. Despite the fact that I said, I can stay in touch if you want to. Despite that I was not the one who said, “Nah, let’s stop.” Despite the fact he said that it had absolutely nothing to do with me….

Despite ALL OF THAT, my brain was so used (cue me starting to laugh at myself) to being the one to move to a different state, different country, forget to write, be too nervous to write, and all-around usually always be the one who moved away it didn’t quite clue in that I didn’t.

So I was going around all sad because my brain, stuck in a rut, is like “Wow, you really miss him. How come you didn’t give it a chance, huh? How come you went away? How come you broke it off, when it was actually going well?” But it never said all of the last questions loud enough for me to hear (symbolically-speaking) and so I only ever thought “Wow you miss him. You messed this up, there must be something you can do.”

Once I realized, “Olé! It’s not you that left, broke it off, or otherwise stopped the train! It was him.” I could breathe about that situation again. I was free of all that worry and sadness because it was not caused by me. I’m cool with someone saying “Leave my life”, but not so cool if I feel like someone invited me in and I just suddenly left, ya know?

Now the thoughts that used to provoke sadness in me are just pleasant – an “I used to know someone who did that” or summat like that. And the catalyst for this switch is laughably simple. 😀 But nonetheless I’m glad I happened upon it eventually.

So there you go. Now this tale has 3 (or 4?) parts. Accidentally. 🙂

And here are an original creation of yumminess, that breaks some flavor-pairing rules BT and I thought we knew! (Them being: Don’t pair berries with cinnamon, and chocolate only goes with certain spices.)

I was house-and-pet-sitting for my friend when I saw that their cookie jar was empty. I wanted some cookies one day, and also to experiment, so I decided to try what popped into my head first – “I feel like chocolate chip cookies, but also chocolate chip cookies that embody the taste and feel of fall!…”

So here’s what came out:

(I didn’t measure anything but the butter, again, so I’m sorry for the vaguery!)

Cream:

  • 5T (75g) Butter
  • Light Brown Sugar (probably around 3-4T [37g-50g])
  • a Little White Sugar (probably 1 T [12g])
  • Good shakes of allspice
  • A couple dashes of cinnamon
  • Splash or two of vanilla extract

Add:

  • Dash of milk
  • Semi-Sweet chocolate chips
  • Mini chips

(See, I like to add all the sweet stuff together and taste, because it’s so yummy! 😀 Haha, now we add the meat of it…) Add:

  • Flour (my note here on how much is *so helpful* it says “(not too much)” lol) – probably start with 1/3 cup (60g) and go from there
  • Craisins – to taste

Mix together to form dough. Roll into Tablespoon balls and cook at a preheated (I usually don’t do preheated but this time, yes!) 350º F for 10-13 minutes.

Voila! Enjoy. 🙂

Q&A:

If you could have any food feel like a season or holiday what would it be?


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Real Talk with Me :)

I have some thoughts. Some feelings. Things I’ve been trying not to tell people out of concern I’ll come off as nutty. These are some thoughts I’ve been having. This may be more of a ramble, but each subsection has a sorta point to it. 🙂 Feel free to share your recent thoughts, too.

Three years ago, a cashier was nice to me – like over and above nice. I spent a year and a half in limbo, trying to figure out what to do about it. Nobody else knew.

Of course I came to the conclusion that the only sane thing for me to do was to do nothing. Which I solidly did while having my heart stop every time I nearly ran into him, or BT commented on something he did, and scribbling down every time I ran into him in my journal while laughing at myself – because every shopping trip he was there something weird happened.

This January I joined an online dating site, while I have zero interest in dating. This was the year I was going to do things I’d wanted to do, and I’d been curious about these-here dating sites for a while.

As my life usually goes, I messaged one dude who looked really nice, but sent back the wEirDest and most pat messages, and I messaged one dude just to say “hey, there’s a club for that interest, just in case you didn’t know.” He asked me if I liked the dating site, and a couple of other well-thought out questions, and from there an instant acquaintanceship sprang up.

He, BT and I met up and talked for 5 hours in a coffee shop, while rain clouds gathered overhead. The way home was hairy as the rain poured down, and the slick black roads concealed potholes and lane lines, but I was excited about talking to him again.

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Ceaseless

I decide to give in. I’d pushed myself to stand, not sit, while I hung outside after taking Rimfire for a walk. After all I’d been sitting all day, and I’ve been practicing my posture (for the like last 7 years with limited success, but shhhh…), so I was going to stand.

But now… Now, I’m hungry and tired so I decide to flop into bed. I move the clothes basket, flop down, and fluff my pillow.

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Mess

Sometimes I look around at my home, and the semi-mess within, and embrace their embrace of the untidiness.

Part of it is the simple reminders of the situations which brought about that particular mess. Sometimes it’s the recognition that the mess implies an obligation elsewhere.

Other times, I love that it shows a tolerance towards frailty, or that sometimes we can’t do everything, and things get forgotten and glossed over. Sometimes it’s our particular brand of … something, that causes us to rarely remove decorations, having birthday party and holiday decorations up long after the occasion has passed, and usually on into the next one.

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The Hidden Diamond of Acceptance

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It’s a pretty amazing feeling when at each new turn, you’re accepted. Each new piece of information you give them they don’t mind.

When you feel it, you wonder how you ever went without it.

If this is like finding a diamond, then realizing or seeing how you’re accepted with the people who have called you annoying, rebuked you, seemed disinterested, & more, is like finding an unpolished gem – there, but still hiding in the ground of your mind.

A gem hidden in the earth still, with unpolished facets that are there just the same. You hear their rebukes, you see their disinterest. But it’s harder to hear what’s more obvious about how they actually feel about you.

They love you, they’ve stuck with you. You’ve been able to do things that they’ve disagreed with and been frustrated with, but nonetheless they’ve given you another chance. It’s the same care, the same love, the same acceptance, even while it doesn’t feel like the elated feeling of not being able to scare someone off.

I’ve been learning to test a statement of “I don’t have that”. To make sure I’m not just running past what is right in front of me.

While no doubt I’ve been missing the ability to say what I feel is my worst and see it batted back to me as in inert substance, learning that this is not the only form of acceptance in my life, and this probably-more-important one is right here, I just need to open my eyes to it, may be the most important lesson yet from the mulling I’ve been doing since I lost that shiny diamond.

It’s not just about me being accepted, either. But how sad would it be if I believed I wasn’t accepted by those who love me most and yet they’d been trying to show me that, but I didn’t see it the same way? Like, the obvious faults I applaud the diamond for accepting, and yet those closest to me lived with it too – in fact they were actually there when I got them. That’s kind of cool.

I’m not missing the shiny experience as much any more. I want to learn to see how they show it, and how I can show it back.

(Update: While I will admit it is different, it is no less valid – and that’s something I forgot I wanted to say. :)) Anyways, onward ho!

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