Naturally Dreamy

A blog about life as a mostly INFP, natural skin and hair care, and other topics. Come put your feet up where life is naturally dreamy!


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Sorry, blog

Here’s a little known fact about me – I actually really enjoy blogging. Lol, I know it must not seem like it.

What I didn’t realize when I started this blog was that I wouldn’t want to share my theories and realizations about how to make life easier to handle, simpler to go through, or other things. I didn’t realize I wouldn’t even like to review a product before having it 6 months.

Even though I desire to offer my observations as fodder for other people’s not-wholly-baked theories (yes, I mean half-baked but that’s used in a mean way, I mean it in a good way — I have them all the time where I’m searching for missing pieces and observations for half-crafted theories), I’m too concerned that what I say (especially in blog form – it’s not so intimidating in tweet or tumblr form) will be accepted as the final truth on something.

And I change my mind so much. I’m constantly confounding the British henchman  Ahem, that is discovering new ideas, realizing new perpectives that if I say “here’s a great way to cope with that” or “this idea is so cool!” I am not sure that it is so for years and years afterward. I don’t want to say a thing until I know it’s hard and fast true for me.

What if I said “I’m writing poetry every night to exercise my creative muscle” and then a month from now found out that instead of helping my creativity it narrowed it by locking it down? I’d feel… I don’t know what I’d feel but I wouldn’t like that to happen.

I don’t want to be trivial on this platform either (though I quite enjoy it! Favorite movies, songs of the day, book quotes are posts I’d love to do, but again my brain stops me… in this taken so-seriously (people make a living and write books from their blogs! They are here for yearssss sometimes! and people carve out time to read their favorite bloggers). So it’s like my most earth-shaking theories or nothing, but earth-shaking theories come about once every 2 months, and then I’m not comfortable divulging them until 3-4 years later?

I thought I could be okay with it. I thought “Yeah, I have hints and experience as I’m living. Maybe it could help someone else.” Instead I find them, and hide them away, just in case it’s not fully true. As often it is not. It morphs and changes. And once I click “publish” there is a form of it immortalized.

I’m not even saying “I’m all that” just the idea is hard for me to rebel against so that is one reason (I believe) I’ve posted so little on here.

I’m also not sure what to do about it, if there is indeed something I should do. But there it is.:) That’s what I’m currently problem-solving around so as to hopefully find a way to blog more in the future!:)

So ciao! And hey — if you (as indeed you are my readership, so you probably have a better idea than I do on this point!) have an opinion on this, pleassse feel free to let me know in the comments or in this poll!:)

Ciao again! And have a great weekend!!😀

 

(Multiple choice btw!:) Lol, one choice polls are so tough.)

 

 


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Communication Epiphanies of the Last Week

So, I’m not going to post the post I was going to post.

I thought it was pretty good after I wrote it, but on 2nd thoughts. Nope.

I mean it’s not not good, but it’s not the message I want to add to the world.

Silence can be annoying. It can be perturbing, but I find it the preferable alternative.

For years, I blamed a disorder for my lack of speech, my lack of words.

My blog almost further proves it – the long gaps, and the insanely long time it takes for me to reply to comments.

Any foray into social media – tumblr, twitter, blogging – spells out the same story. I’m quiet, and take very long to reply to things addressed to me.

I didn’t know what to think – The people around me usually have a ready word, the bloggers who do share several similarities to me write back within the day.

Then I learned that it seems Fi keeps its feelings to itself and stuff started to make a little sense.

Not that that’s helpful at all. I still have at least 10 things I’m trying to write back on, and zero confidence – so I always pass it by someone else to see what they think.

That’s not normal! Or is it? I don’t know.

But it feels like society expects you to have an opinion on things, a ready reply, and if you don’t you aren’t heard. I realize the amount of cultivating which goes on in my head (not a unique attribute) is not offset by output. It all kind of stays swelled up there and in me, and makes me seem very mysterious.

But not so – just do you want to hear hours of commentary on what my international friends did and said I thought was cool? Or how the character development in this that and the other is awesome? Or how I plan to make a book into a movie? Or the intricate nuances of dog training and baking? (Oh, gosh! Not dog baking – er, just baking.)

That’s rather boring, or if it’s not, only useful to me. Its use is so limited I don’t really have anything to open up and share.

It’s not a wasteland, but the harvest is alien.

My mom avows that she doesn’t mind me prattling on about these topics, that it’s enjoyable. I believe her, but one of the things I’m always working on is “the point of things”, and I don’t know the point of sharing these things, so I try not to do it. (I’ve gotten a little better at this though – living and doing before I have explanations for everything.)

In the end, this reinforces my feeling useless. Discovering I was an INFP made me hopeful that I could be a good friend. Now I realize that my F stands for “keeps to oneself the only thing that could possibly bring people together” I’m disheartened once again. What’s the point of being a caring member of the human race if you can’t show people you care?

There seems to be no simple way to “get to know me” and there seems to be no way for me to say the thoughts in my head that might actually contribute to society. I think and I think on an issue, and then the words come. But thinking someone is the most precious thing to you since sliced bread, or that what they said really impacted you is not an issue so it’s not something that I can connect and associate and thus find words for. It’s left in pictures and feels and abstractities that have no hope of being repeated to the person and in turn buoying them.

That’s probably not all there is to it. There’s probably great things I can do. But discovering that the reason I speak so effortlessly and long on the subjects I do is directly related to the amount of connections I’ve gathered for that subject was instructive.

But it got me no further on my biggest question: How do I communicate the good things in my mind with the outside world?


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For all the Tired INFP’s out there…

This is not a good idea.

kittensleep

But I’ve got to not be alone, right? There’s probably some other lonely, tired, confused INFP out there thinking – well if they’re like me – a lot of thoughts!

I’m tired and I’ve learned that I’m weird when I’m tired!

I think I’m super fun – I make funny connections, and say more because I’m not overthinking everything. But, being tired is such a weird place for me because it’s a weird combination of being open, less censored, wordy, & forgetful all at once.

But I also regret every word I say, like because I can’t censor it it must be poison. I worry so much.

At this stage of sleepy tiredness, I’m finally okay with sharing everything in my mind (I’ve been learning about Fi cognitive function – it wants to keep all it’s feelings to itself, which explains a lot about my life), but because I don’t censor, I still try to keep everything to myself.

I at once want to share all my secret stories, funny jokes and feelings, but am too worried to because I know that in this openness I could have harm. Like an escalating children’s game a harmless fun start can end in dire straits.

So yeah, maybe that won’t happen, you say – and one anecdote to back that up is this one I hold in my heart:

It was 10pm at night, and I was watching TV with BT when I saw a commercial for pizza.

“Mm, pizza,” I said.

“Actually, Domino’s might still be open,” BT mentioned.

I leapt up and checked the clock and said “They are?!?” really happily, and in that split second I just reacted and emoted without society’s values, without my own monetary worries, just me and my happiness about pizza.

BT laughed and said, “Every once in a while the unadulterated, filtered, raw you comes out and we see what you really think.” He said it approvingly, at once chiding me for hiding everything in and also caringly for the real person I guard inside. It’s a memory so rare and so odd I definitely had to save it, and refer to it every once in a while.

There’s my dichotomy for the day. And I think I’m going to just focus on getting some sleep, playing with my dog, and chilling. Not necessarily in that order.

Ciao! Have a great night.:)

Q&A:

Can you relate? What are you like when you are tired?


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A Walk, a Hawk, and… Well that’s rather it.

A friend once commented how she enjoyed my posts about my walks, so midway through my last walk I remembered this, and so while Rimfire is panting and enjoying the semi-cooled inside air, I’ll tell you about it.:)

I decided to take a “nice” stroll through our trailed-woods. Rimfire caught my drift and we took off in a run (because we don’t get enough cardio) to the woods. It was rather plop-plop-plop for the first bit, but by the time Rimfire decided he wanted to mark a tree I’d soothed into a smooth rhythm.

For one of the few times we’d done this run to the woods, I was able to slow down my trajectory so I didn’t yank his neck.

I took a breather, and Rimfire bolted off, but I stayed behind opting to walk this bit.

It was then, as we entered the woods, I remembered the last time I’d walked in woods – not these, but still. The snake.

Even though I wanted to enjoy the woods and the greenery around me, for both our sakes I kept a weather eye on the ground scanning for wildlife we should avoid.

Despite my wariness, I took the longer, more wild trail, and it wasn’t till I was back at the main trail’s connection that I saw my first fauna. A bird flew up from the underbrush.

I dropped my jaw and crept closer, quietly, after scanning the location Rimfire was wandering off to.

It was! It was that falcon I’d spotted the other day in our neighbor’s yard.

So cool.

That was when I heard to my right a rustling in the underbrush and spied a lean black, moist head wrapping around a tree. It could be a snake, albeit a disfigured snake.

I could run back and get back to civilization and perhaps spare both our lives, or I could investigate.

I drift towards the main path on my left, before rationalizing that I was actually rather distant from the being and I could stay far enough away I can check out the mysterious creature, find out what it was and bonus! continue out the way I was originally intending.

I did that.

It was a laid out black frog like thing, and I surmised that maybe he had been the hawk’s prey before I happened on them.

I ran past it holding Rimfire, only to find myself actually lost. I took the loop again, passing the frog, and chose the right direction this time. I’d forgotten I’d taken the optional path, and that had thrown off my sense of direction.

When I had the trail’s exit in my mind’s eye’s sites, I put Rimfire down, and we bolted for the clearing that was the path’s end.

So as not to alert the dwellings immediately at the trail’s end/beginning I slowed down before then.

Danger averted. Bug bites collected. Heart pounding a bit.

I kept Rimfire somewhat close, as these dwellings usually had big dogs they let outside and it was so again, this time. It was a new dog I hadn’t seen out on a chain – I hoped.

He hopped off the deck and approached the road Rimfire and I were walking down. I heard the dog utter a growl.

Since the first time I heard Rimfire growl, I’ve realized that to my ears there is nothing quite so ominous as a dog’s growl. I’d picked Rimfire up already, but now I looked at him and covered his eyes which he was using to gaze directly at the bigger dog. “Stop it.” I said gently, and I felt the other dog relax. We passed and I put Rimfire down.

It was then he decided he had to go, and I saw our landlord approaching.

It’s always kind of awkward, I feel, when you make eye contact with someone as your dog poops. And it was bound to happen as our landlord approached.

I made sure that the bag I was going to use was visible, and he passed with a friendly greeting I returned, and it was over.

As Rimfire and I walked off, we passed all our regular places without incident and it hit me how, even though the woods were so close and not at all what I would dub “wild”, how much safer it felt walking along these roads. And I started thinking on that when I realized I had “Drive By” going through my head.

I’d heard it this morning and I gave it little thought until I remembered I’d started a game in my head of “What Made Me Think Of That Song”. I smiled when I realized it had been when I got the bag in plain sight for our landlord’s benefit that the “Hefty bag to hold my lo-o-o-ove” verse had popped in my head.

Soon we passed by a place I’d always used to take Rimfire out at, before we’d moved within the same neighborhood. It amazed me how something that’d been so much a part of our neccessary routine had summarily slipped from my mind.

I didn’t fully form this thought as we passed by one of the most regal (that is in my head) looking lands and I took a look at the house that graced its presence. Light filtered through the trees and “that’s odd” I thought. Light was filtering everywhere else, but I didn’t notice it.

I followed it down until I saw the grill and concluded the grill must be on and the smoke was providing the pretty scene. I didn’t want to stare and so averted my eyes until our angle of passing the house narrowed and I could actually hear something popping on the grill 30 feet away. Satisfied, I nodded, but then immediately wondered what it was. Ah, but mystery is fine, fun even, and I just was glad nobody came out while I was admiring the pretty scene of grill and trees and light.😀

Just keep walking just keep walking.

Finally we arrived by one of the lakes that Rimfire usually has a ball at (re-reading this, I realize this could be confusing – I mean it as “he has fun.:) ) because of its large swaths of grass. Rimfire did have fun rolling in the grass and cooling off, but to my surprise he picked the grass that edged the road and was rather covered with clay and road-dust. I tried to incent him to come closer to the lake and up where the clean grass was in case he was just taking the first grass he could find because he thought I wouldn’t stop, but he was having none of it. Okay, then.

Ruefully, well not ruefully actually, I rubbed my bug bites and resisted itching them. I think I looked rueful as I squinted into the sun, and concentrated on not itching.

Near the end of the lake-bit, we paused under a tree which offered wonderful shade and waited for cars to pass before venturing back out in the road. Following a truck, I enjoyed the light scent of diesel exhaust, and squinted against the dust it had picked up, but it quickly dissipated.

We neared the end of that road, and passed the neighbor that lets me practice archery in their yard, and I asked Rimfire if he felt like a run up the hill. I wasn’t sure, but I did and as I hit the ground Rimfire did too, and zoomed ahead of me and we jogged up the short grassy knoll.

A short (1 foot, maybe) rock wall separates us from the main road after this, and I planned which rock I was going to step on while Rimfire didn’t catch my intention till right up to when I decided to cross over. Usually this means he’s either behind me and I call him over, or he decides way quicker and is swifter on his feet so he leaps over in a split-second before I’ve even started my hop over.

This time, though. He hit it a split second after I did and we were air-borne together and hit the ground at the opposite time in synchronized timing. It was epic and I laughed.

Rimfire was flagging in the sun, and we were making our way on our last leg of our much-shorter-than-it-sounds-actually walk – when I asked him which way, he kept on our usual way and I agreed. It’s not as shady, but it’s quicker.

I looked fore and aft. There was no one about.

Time for one last hurr-rahn.😉

“Come on! Let’s go!” I called to him, as I spun back to face front after checking for vehicles (and anybody who’d see us…) I saw my ponytail in my shadow and thought I looked quite cool, and giggled at myself for thinking so, before we burst into a sprint home.

We probably don’t look cool, though I spied our shadows – and they did – as we run for the fun of it. Me, pounding the ground into oblivion and just hoping for the best as my foot lands, and him leading the fray panting and — well, no he looks cool – but it doesn’t matter. We go fast and we love it!

I take a few breaths before I go back inside and get my laptop to write this down.

It isn’t long before BT nitpicks and gets upset, retreating to be by himself and I feel weird not knowing what he’s thinking, but that’s life. Yay and negative thrown side by side and never knowing what’s next.:)

 


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Gishwhes Team Paradox!

GISHWHES (Greatest International Scavenger Hunt The World Has Ever Seen) is starting soon!

Last year amongst a bundle of what ifs, and doubts, I did sign up for GISHWHES and discovered it to be gladly more low-key than I expected and fun, and really great fun working on a team.

Okay – so, what is GISHWHES?

Originally a publicity stunt, Misha Collins (actor, Supernatural, cool Dude) tweeted something at the behest of Ollis (Supernatural’s publicity guy). Misha tweeted that Ollis gave him a rhinocerous he would share with everyone who voted for Supernatural. Supernatural won the poll Ollis was hoping it would, and Misha told everyone to send him self-addressed envelopes.

Then, inspired by his time at a college where he participated in a scavenger hunt they did, he sent out puzzle pieces to the participants with scavenger hunt items on the back of them. The puzzle? A rhinocerous.😉

Some of the scavenger hunt items were accomplished, and that was the first, unofficial, GISHWHES. Misha ended up loving the idea so much & how it brought people together doing incredible things, he created a website and a name for the scavenger hunt the next year. (Source: Wikipedia!)

I will be participating in GISHWHES again this year and I’m soo looking forward to it. I currently have 4 people on my team named Team Paradox and would love for any of my readers to join my team!

If you were interested in doing gishWhes, giving it a try, or such-like, you are welcome. You can also ask me any questions at all you have.

Registration is $18.96, and although you can spend money completing items, I did not, last year. I also didn’t have transportation for many of the days, and couldn’t do anything for the first 3 days. These were my primary concerns, but it all worked out and I didn’t end up letting down the team.:)

So there’s my plug!😄 If you have any questions lemme know, and I’ll try and answer them!

What kind of things might you do in GISHWHES? At the beginning of the hunt, we receive a list of around 200 tasks. No team has ever done all of them; the focus is on quality of submissions, versus quantity. The focus of GISHWHES is on creativity, kindness, or silliness or a mix of all 3.:)

To give an idea of what you might do in GISHWHES, here are some of the things I did last year:

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Every year GISHWHES has a mascot that is a fictional blend of two animals. Last year was the Dinomite – half dino, half mite.

I created caped sugar cookies for Item 193: “Contribute the recipe for ‘Dinomite’s Fluffy Bites’ to Allrecipes.com and get at least 20, 5-star reviews from people who enjoyed the recipe.” I did not succeed on that last part, but the cookies were yummy.:)

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This photo is not for a task, but one I took while we were out completing it. BT and I’d gone out to the park to finish item 174, and after I did it, he wanted to give the challenge a try. That was when he pointed and said, “Look a balloon!” and I have a picture of him pointing, and the balloon in one shot!😄 This is a picture of just the balloons, while it looked really cool floating in the approaching storm clouds and bright sun!

“Travel across the narrow part of a level football field (or the equivalent of 150 feet on level grassed ground). You cannot touch the ground with any part of your body and you cannot have anyone push or pull you. You’re only allowed to use a skateboard, two pieces of string or rope no more than 5 feet long each and a clothespin. (NOTE: You can’t use the clothespin as an extension of your hand or foot to push you along the ground.)” (We still haven’t found out the purpose of the clothespin!)

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(I know this picture is dark, but with my screen bright I can read all of it okay – hopefully that’s true on yours, too?)

This one was the most out of my element (haha, lol, I didn’t mean to do that).

“Create a short “Supernatural”-related horror story out of the abbreviations of the elements of the Periodic Table. You may only use each letter from each abbreviation once (so you’d have roughly – 225 letters to use). The more coherent the story, the better.”

This is where my research of watching Supernatural did pay off. While I was working my behind-the-scenes job, I furiously scratched away and counted & recounted numbers and letters until I had made this 2 sentence story.

I don’t even like horror! But I was pleasantly surprised at how this turned out. The next to-do was to take a good photo of it to submit.

The next night I was recreating the Lady and the Tramp scene on a “fancy date” (another item), but with my dog, because I don’t have a date!😄 Not exactly what the task asked for, but I thought the judges might enjoy it. BT, when he he heard my idea of substituting a date for dinner with my dog laughed and said, “Do it, do it!”

I’d put up the candles for the dinner, and it was then I had the idea of photographing the story by the light of the candle. I’m so glad I did, as this is the submission photo I’m most proud of.:) (Although I don’t like that term…)

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“Design and build a comfortable, functional piece of living room furniture made entirely from repurposed/recycled materials. Then show the family enjoying it.”

This is the picture I took of the half-throne, half-wingback chair (with ottoman) I made, before I covered it with repurposed tableclothes. I made it out of cardboard, broken ratchet straps, popcorn, plastic bags, and I covered it over with table cloths for upholstery.

It was surprisingly comfy!


If you want to join the silliness this year, I’d be thrilled to have you join Team Paradox. No pressure but I wanted to make sure I extended the invitation to you all, because I’d love to have you on the team.:)

P.S. Why Paradox? I’ve always liked the word paradox, and out of the 4 team-names I was considering Team Paradox got the most votes – thus the name!:)

Have a great weekend!!

P.P.S. – we’ve merged with a different team! I’m gishing with the Purkle Platicorns thiss year!😀


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How Do We Instinctively Know Life’s Value?

We instinctively know the value of a life.

Though we often become frustrated with our own, or wonder why we are here, somehow a feeling beyond words attests to us that a life is worth protecting.

When we know it’s about to be cut short, or feel cold where once was heat, or remember a life snuffed out by mortal means, our insides protest, tears start, and a feeling of wrongness pervades, even if we can’t give words to the question, “What’s so important about life.”

I held her trembling, fuzzy, furry body against mine, I soothed her fears as I set her in a sterile bathing tub. I eased her through the process, and felt her fear as mine. The tremulous eyes looked into mine, and she trusted my evaluation of the situation as safe.

Then she was snuffed out. Without a judge, jury, or defense and without me able to  run to her side, or ask the owner how she could betray her like this, that owner let her go, without even a confirmation of the test.

“Parvo kills 50% of dogs who have it.”

“It’s a long difficult journey to health.”

“Even with early treatment, it’s not an easy disease to beat.”

But didn’t you hold her next to you. Didn’t you feel the life that flowed through her. Didn’t you look into her eyes, and tell her everything would be okay? 

You had to have felt that bundle of soft fur. How could you let her go so easily.

She was scared of the world, and trusted at the first word. I will never forget Ember, and somehow she keeps teaching me, that beyond any logical reason, we KNOW, just know, that life is in itself a thing worth guarding.

 

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