I have been talking personality quite a bit lately, and this post is quite heavy with the stuff. It’s been a frequent topic at my house, though, and it’s been solving a lot of puzzles, and strengthening relationships (OMG, you will not believe what just happened! Words came, right when I needed them! That may be the first time that has ever happened! — okay, sorry – see below, “Words”)….
Er, anyway. I am hoping that I do not come off too strong on a front that can easily be exhausted, and chafing.
With all my research and talk about personalities, I sometimes see where something doesn’t fit, or in addition, I have some other factor influencing me that throws off what one would expect me to react with. I thought it’d be cool to say some of these on my blog. It’s things like these that make each of us unique – 16 personalities, God-given as they are, are really, really, not boxes for us. They are the basis of how we process, think, react, and engage, but they are so not the end. God made us each so much more unique than that with other factors, and even factors, personality, environment aside, each person has just a super-unique brand that only we have. We add to the universe! (<— Opinions stated within this paragraph are not representative of Tristar, Inc. and it’s affiliates, aka, [this is just me].)
Okay, I am not even sure that made sense. Or said what I was trying hard to say. …
So, I wrote this. 🙂
I have an enormous store of energy. I hate it, actually. [<— Okay. I don’t mean that. I have so much fun using my energy, but it’s side-effects are unpleasant, and … well, as I’d like to describe as evil… because I’m just that upset about it.]
I drive people nuts if I use it. When I don’t use it, people wonder why I am not excited about anything. And when I do have a specific opinion – “OH! LET’S DO THIS!!!” – People are like, “FINALLY, she has an opinion.”, but I feel terrible about it.
“I yelled in their face. I was socially unacceptably bouncy. My speech was so concrete it wasn’t grace-full.” So, I hate it, when I use it because I see myself as oh-so-mean, and brash, and uncaring. 😦
I also hurt people when “under the influence” of this unbounded enthusiasm. When I play the sport, I follow the rules to the letter, but due to my “throwing myself into it” they get very upset.
Technically you can throw the balls at people… and you try your best to save your team… but you aren’t supposed to do it with such vim.
Technically you are supposed to guard the person from getting to the basket, following the specific rules… but you shouldn’t be so good at it.
And you’re a girl. Why do you like to fight?
Hurting people is so terrible, and I get that when I’m energetic. So how. in. the. world. am I to use this unique gift that I push away for the good of others?
LOL, I’m not supposed to like things like this, I think! My family doesn’t believe me when I talk about this. 🙂
I like challenges – my face lights up when someone mentions it – and when challenges unexpectedly arrive in life, I embrace it and try my best to do it well. Like a bunch of things needing to be done in a short amount of time. Or a challenge without absolutely no materials to help it out.
Or like trying to cook 5 things at once!
And the weird thing when a bunch of stuff needs to be done in a short time? It usually actually all gets done in time!
I don’t know why I like doing these things. I don’t know why I like environments with lots of action, and a great need for me to throw myself in the fray and figure it out. Or being given a challenge and getting to do it.
Lots of thinking
“You’re not an INTJ – stop acting like one!” BT encouraged me to accept my emotional side, yesterday, with those words.
I like to think. That’s just a thing for many personalities, but I like to do it for broad concepts, and find ways to think through things from many different ages and angles.
My current project? “What is friendship? What is the human basis for this abstract concept?” Previous projects have included – “Why should one eat?” – put on hiatus for recovery, “Why do people marry or have romantic attachments?” – “Why do people move, or stay put?” – “What is patriotism?” – “What is dancing?” – “Why should we do art, if we always have to store it, and not only store it but have a duty to store it for the generations that come after us? Won’t the world become full of art?” — I have not solved all of these, and merely thinking on these, is how I became so darned wooden and (as BT said) very much in process like an INTJ, which didn’t suit well with my given personality.
So, balance is better. In pursuit of a full life with the personality I’ve got, and not so that I can morph into a personality that has less pain, think on what I need. It has worked out great this way.
This way, it goes like this. “Me in this personality likes friends. I have friends. I do not do “friend-y” things with them, because I feel bad doing that because I do not know where their and my responisibilities in this department lie.” At this point, if I feel like it, I take the INFP, vs. INTJ fork. INTJ fork says – “Okay, until I figure this out – No friends!” – INFP fork says, “Keep your friends. So you don’t overstep while you are trying to figure this out, follow a few simple rules: Be nice, put a bit of yourself out there (be a bit vulnerable), stay open and be there for them.”
I’m not saying that the paths I’ve referred to as INTJ are in fact indicative of the INTJ inner life. It probably is the opposite. But it is how I get to be acting like one, and me acting like one is not good, because I’m not one, and therefore I’m not in the niche I should be in, and I’m doing more harm than good than trying to pretend to be someone I’m not.
BT said yesterday: “It’s not that we don’t feel. It’s that like everybody else, we don’t like pain. We feel everything more deeply.” So, I realize that me trying to avoid pain by trying to think through everything… well, it’s effective, but I don’t claim to think that INTJ’s feel nothing. (BT wanted me to stress that his quote was subjective – only his view on his life as an INTJ.)
It’s said that INFP’s are individual and expressive in their dress, but mostly really don’t care about their appearance.
Welll… I would say I don’t really do this. My dress is merely whatever I can get my hands on, and I plan on working-over my wardrobe in celebration of my final recovery. Then I plan on buying all sorts of “looks”. Like you know when you see someone dressed in a cool way, and they take certain, specific parts – like leggings and a scarf, or a fluffy skirt and a sweater. I want to get all those components, so if I feel like trying something new that I can!
That both seems to be caring too much, while at the same time instead of being individual, it’s using patterns from other people. LOL.
INFP’s are usually remarked upon, in the descriptions, as being “good” or “appreciative” of art, writing, painting, and any thing else artsy. I majorly fail.
But as BT mentioned, “You haven’t exactly pursued it, either.”
Oh, and also …
Have. no. words. I really do not like this part of me. It stifles me at the time I most wish I had it. All those big thinks I think are usually some of the only times I have words for something. It’s been washed over so many times with my brain, words have formed.
But everything else is in pictures – even the thing about me “thinking” is in pictures, and so I feel my words are severely inadequate. They so totally did not express what I was trying to say.
I read Animals in Translation and apparently this thing of not having words, isn’t just me. But it sure is frustrating.
I don’t get frustrated easily. And I wouldn’t even be frustrated by this, except that it’s so important for other people for me to be able to speak, that I feel very badly about this.
It’s also – combined with technical (because like Susan Cain, I disagree with calling it a disorder – it’s just plain human life for some) “social anxiety” that my blog sometimes lapses. I have ideas of what I want to say, but should I say it? And if I should, what words convey it?
“Is your dog deaf?”
“No.” I reply seriously, and wonderingly. Half a second later, I think, “He may have been remarking on his lack of barking, at the door, as he arrived.”
Of course that is what he meant.
What kind of an INFP is literal?
What are some things that you feel deviate you from your personality type, or other people (if you don’t know your personality type)?