Naturally Dreamy

A blog about my life as an INFP living with an ESFJ, INTJ, and my pup. I blog about earth-friendly living and life through my eyes – not necessarily in that order. Come put your feet up where life is Naturally Dreamy!


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Real Talk with Me :)

I have some thoughts. Some feelings. Things I’ve been trying not to tell people out of concern I’ll come off as nutty. These are some thoughts I’ve been having. This may be more of a ramble, but each subsection has a sorta point to it. 🙂 Feel free to share your recent thoughts, too.

Three years ago, a cashier was nice to me – like over and above nice. I spent a year and a half in limbo, trying to figure out what to do about it. Nobody else knew.

Of course I came to the conclusion that the only sane thing for me to do was to do nothing. Which I solidly did while having my heart stop every time I nearly ran into him, or BT commented on something he did, and scribbling down every time I ran into him in my journal while laughing at myself – because every shopping trip he was there something weird happened.

This January I joined an online dating site, while I have zero interest in dating. This was the year I was going to do things I’d wanted to do, and I’d been curious about these-here dating sites for a while.

As my life usually goes, I messaged one dude who looked really nice, but sent back the wEirDest and most pat messages, and I messaged one dude just to say “hey, there’s a club for that interest, just in case you didn’t know.” He asked me if I liked the dating site, and a couple of other well-thought out questions, and from there an instant acquaintanceship sprang up.

He, BT and I met up and talked for 5 hours in a coffee shop, while rain clouds gathered overhead. The way home was hairy as the rain poured down, and the slick black roads concealed potholes and lane lines, but I was excited about talking to him again.

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Ceaseless

I decide to give in. I’d pushed myself to stand, not sit, while I hung outside after taking Rimfire for a walk. After all I’d been sitting all day, and I’ve been practicing my posture (for the like last 7 years with limited success, but shhhh…), so I was going to stand.

But now… Now, I’m hungry and tired so I decide to flop into bed. I move the clothes basket, flop down, and fluff my pillow.

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Mess

Sometimes I look around at my home, and the semi-mess within, and embrace their embrace of the untidiness.

Part of it is the simple reminders of the situations which brought about that particular mess. Sometimes it’s the recognition that the mess implies an obligation elsewhere.

Other times, I love that it shows a tolerance towards frailty, or that sometimes we can’t do everything, and things get forgotten and glossed over. Sometimes it’s our particular brand of … something, that causes us to rarely remove decorations, having birthday party and holiday decorations up long after the occasion has passed, and usually on into the next one.

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The Hidden Diamond of Acceptance

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It’s a pretty amazing feeling when at each new turn, you’re accepted. Each new piece of information you give them they don’t mind.

When you feel it, you wonder how you ever went without it.

If this is like finding a diamond, then realizing or seeing how you’re accepted with the people who have called you annoying, rebuked you, seemed disinterested, & more, is like finding an unpolished gem – there, but still hiding in the ground of your mind.

A gem hidden in the earth still, with unpolished facets that are there just the same. You hear their rebukes, you see their disinterest. But it’s harder to hear what’s more obvious about how they actually feel about you.

They love you, they’ve stuck with you. You’ve been able to do things that they’ve disagreed with and been frustrated with, but nonetheless they’ve given you another chance. It’s the same care, the same love, the same acceptance, even while it doesn’t feel like the elated feeling of not being able to scare someone off.

I’ve been learning to test a statement of “I don’t have that”. To make sure I’m not just running past what is right in front of me.

While no doubt I’ve been missing the ability to say what I feel is my worst and see it batted back to me as in inert substance, learning that this is not the only form of acceptance in my life, and this probably-more-important one is right here, I just need to open my eyes to it, may be the most important lesson yet from the mulling I’ve been doing since I lost that shiny diamond.

It’s not just about me being accepted, either. But how sad would it be if I believed I wasn’t accepted by those who love me most and yet they’d been trying to show me that, but I didn’t see it the same way? Like, the obvious faults I applaud the diamond for accepting, and yet those closest to me lived with it too – in fact they were actually there when I got them. That’s kind of cool.

I’m not missing the shiny experience as much any more. I want to learn to see how they show it, and how I can show it back.

(Update: While I will admit it is different, it is no less valid – and that’s something I forgot I wanted to say. :)) Anyways, onward ho!

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Cooking Pad Thai (A Story)

Last night I was hungry, and so even though it was only Monday, I decided to make a meal.

But first the dishes were piled too high to wash the saucepan that I needed to cook noodles in.

My hands grumble at me if I wash dishes without gloves, but the pair I have right now has at least one hole, so I decided “Imma risk it.”

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(Quote from The Finder – a show I thought I didn’t like at all from seeing it’s crossover ep with Bones, but ended up liking a lot!)

 

But it also gave me an idea for a biodegradable, spray-on glove that melts away as you wash, and can just rinse down the drain, and I think that’d be great, but I have no idea what it’d be made of, or how that a sprayed?-adhesive?-vegetable-based? matter would actually work…

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An Inside Look At My Brain During a Conversation

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I feel like I’m the only one who talks with other people the way that I do. So, I know I’m not. Most anytime I think, golly this is terrible. Why am I so weird and do ___? I see someone post something somewhere, and I realize not only am I not the only one, I suddenly feel a lot better, and like it’s manageable, too.

I don’t know why, but I’m so glad. It’s kinda like magic…

So, I thought it might be entertaining, but perhaps also helpful if I wrote about how my brain worked as I met someone new the other day.

The conversation is still fresh in my head, and it was with someone I’m unfamiliar with, so I was well aware of what was happening as it happened, as well as not actually having a familiar flow to settle into.

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